The Gift of Singleness

Jennifer A. Miskov (2009)

On the issue of singleness here are some of my present thoughts and encouragements, mainly written for women, based off recent conversations, a friend asking me to write on “purity,” and my own devotional reading centered on Paul’s letter to the Corinthians. Here Paul is mainly giving his own wisdom and advice.

1 Corinthians 7:25-40
“Are you married? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this…I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world- how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may love in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord…”

I honestly don’t think that it is our responsibility to seek a husband. It is our responsibility to seek first His kingdom and trust that all things will be added unto us (Matthew 6:33). Marriage is not going to cure us from loneliness, not being satisfied, or our emotional void. Yes, it will deepen and stretch us, and there are incredible benefits, or so I have heard :). Yet in the mean time, there are so many wonderful things the single person can be celebrating and growing into. I have seen too many single people living a life of perpetual mourning and sitting around waiting for their prince charming to come instead of living a full life of adventure.

The Gift of Singleness is also the Gift of Preparedness in disguise. I have been pondering the woman of Proverbs 31 and more and more instead of trying to fantasize about my husband and what he will be like and praying for God to hurry up already and bring him to me because I have been so faithful (there has definitely been a time and place for that my friends), instead of all that, He has graciously turned me toward really beginning to love my future husband by having me pray preparation over myself. As a woman, instead of the outward action of seeking, I have been led to ask the Holy Spirit to do some intense preparation on my own heart and soul so that when the time does come, I will be ready.

Hadassah spent 12 months in preparation before getting her chance to meet the king and then consequently become Queen Esther. What could be worse than having the man of our dreams show up on his black stallion ready to sweep us off our feet but we don’t see him because we are wallowing in self-pity, struggling with bitterness that bleeds a horrible stench over us, or not self-controlled enough to wait for him? Or what if he doesn’t see our beauty because it’s clouded by all the baggage we haven’t taken the time to deal with? Granted nobody is ever going to be ready enough or perfect, but why not take advantage of the gift of singleness set before us to allow the Holy Spirit to make us even more wonderful than we already are so that we can give even more to our future spouse?

Ultimately living with the tension of the now and not yet in the area of relationships, being single and at the same time really desiring to be with a man and knowing, hoping that he is coming soon, doing this well all has to do with the issue of trust. The majority of my personal problems and my problems with God all come down to this issue…Trust. Is my perspective correct? Do I really believe what God says about me and my future and is He trustworthy to make all things comes to pass? If there is an intense desire in my heart to get married one day, can I trust that God will bring it to pass in His perfect timing if it is really His will? And can I be so secure in Him either way that I trust that He knows what is best for me regardless of the outcome? Do I really believe Him when He says He wants to do “immeasurably more than we ask or imagine (exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think)” in Ephesians 3:20? Do I believe Him when He says “There is no want (lack) to those who fear Him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger; But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing” in Psalms 34:9-10? Or when He says, “Trust in the Lord, and do good; Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass” in Psalms 37:3-5? These are some of the main verses that consistently have gotten me through times of desperation in desiring to be with someone. These truths I continue to hold on to for when that next wave of desperation comes so that I won’t be swept off my feet.

Today, I am convinced that “my God shall supply all of our needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:20). He is in love with us; let us invite the Holy Spirit to continue preparing us for when God’s perfect timing comes to pass. And in the meantime, let us enjoy this one and only chance to live a totally undivided heart towards the Lord!

To see another side of this issue that I wrote several years later, see Action Dating

To read similar articles around this subject see:

Ladies in Waiting: 10 Encouragements for Single Women

On Break Ups

Water to Wine: Experiencing God’s Love in the Canary Islands

Silver to Gold: A Journey of Young Revolutionaries